Come on down! You’re the next contestant!

My family loves to play games. I grew up playing canasta and poker over school vacations. I had my own stash of money in a mason jar chock full of pennies and nickles just for our family poker nights. I fought with my older brother over Risk and Monopoly, and played Trouble and Sorry with my younger siblings. I have a closet full of games I played with my own children, Life and Scabble, Trivial Pursuit and Pictionary.

I’ve rarely played a game I didn’t like. Except The Comparison Game. Worst.Game.Ever. This game doesn’t discriminate. All ages and genders can play this stupid game. It isn’t reserved for only young teenage girls who compare themselves to super models and Instagram influencers.  This game can be played by 50-something women who are smart, confident and have life experiences that no one can compare.  Even if you have your shiz together you can fall prey to this game and all its traps and snares.

In today’s world, playing this game is as easy as sitting on my couch and opening my phone where, in high def pictures, I can see all of my friends on fabulous vacations, with their designer purses, and perfect children. (Can working people really take that many vacations? And, how did she have 3 children and still rock that two piece swimming suit?) Their houses look like they can be in architectural digest and they are always at a concert or GNO at some trendy local place. (How can people go out so much … I’d be exhausted!)  Here I am sitting on my couch in my Walmart pj’s with my dogs on my lap, who both need baths, drinking my sleepy time tea at 9:00 pm.

And, if I’m not careful, and very intentional, when I scan my Instagram or Facebook feeds, I can be left feeling … Less Than. Not enough. Sad. Depressed. Unworthy.  Anyone out there relate?

This is not a new discussion and this game has been around since the beginning of time. But, with the onset of social media, it’s become a big issue and a breaker of spirits and self-confidence. And as mid-lifers, empty nesters, 40, 50 and 60 year old women and men we are not immune to the lure of this game.

I am naturally inclined to compare, it’s part of my personality (once again, check out Enneagram 3s).  I’ve done it my whole life and very likely influenced my kids in a negative way through my own unhealthy need to compare. (That’s for a completely separate post entitled “All the way I’ve ruined my kids”. Stay tuned.)

I’m sure you’ve read these inspiring quotes before:

Don’t compare your everyday life to someone else’s highlight reel

Comparison is the thief of joy

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent

I love a great quote as much as the next person, but give me something tangible people!  Of course, deleting these apps, or limiting your time on social media is always an option.  I have gone on social media fasts before and they are great. You can certainly survive this crazy life without a Facebook account. But, even without social media, The Comparison Game is for real, people! It was around long before smart phones, the internet and social media. And, unless you are a hermit, you will likely face the truths of this game and how they can make you feel.  

Being grateful is a good antidote to comparison. I write down 5 things I’m grateful for each day. And, I can’t write down coffee everyday. It must be something new. This habit helps me throughout the day to look for things I am grateful for. Big or small, when you are looking, there are always things for which to be grateful. Especially coffee. I am always grateful for coffee.

But, having a lifetime of playing this game, the best advice I can give is to

RUN YOUR OWN RACE!

If you don’t have a race, GET ONE! Get off that couch and get one! Start a new business, train to run a 5K, write a book, start a podcast or a blog, volunteer for something you are passionate about, go back to school and get that degree. I’m still figuring out my new purpose as an empty nester, so right now, my race is figuring that out! 

At times in my life when I had a clear purpose and mission, I didn’t compare myself to others, because I was running full out for that race. I had confidence and passion, and when I have those things, I can feel happiness and joy for people around me, rather than envy and jealousy. When I am so busy doing my thing and being great at it, I don’t have time to worry about what others are doing. This is an inside job and you are never too old to work on you!

What do you do when you feel the pull to play The Comparison Game?  

Looking for something more? I highly recommend The Comparison Trap – a 28-Day Devotional by Sandra Stanley.  I was fortunate enough to attend the recording of the video study for this and it’s exceptional and can give you some concrete steps to take to know your worth.

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