In 1991 when I was pregnant with my first child I read the book “What to Expect When You Are Expecting”, cover to cover, multiple times. I wore that book OUT! I am an information seeker and extreme planner. This book helped me prepare for the great unknown of motherhood. I couldn’t get enough information. I was ready to be a mom. Thank you, What to Expect’s authors.
Now, my babies are actual adults and I am in unfamiliar territory again. And what I really want to know is….WHERE IN THE WORLD is the book “What to Expect When You Were Expecting 18 Years Ago”? In my opinion, THIS would be a best seller.
Here are some chapter titles and summaries I would have liked expert opinions and forewarning on:
Expect Your House to Actually GROW: Ten years ago, when I would have had 4 kids still at home (ages 8, 9, 14, 17), my house was bursting at the seams and every single space was being used. I don’t live in a mansion by any means, it’s a typical suburban home, 5 bedrooms, 3 stories, and finished basement. It’s no slouch. But, EVERY SINGLE SPACE was being used, or crammed with toys, school papers or sweaty gym clothes. Shoes…so.many.shoes. Everywhere! Ten years ago, I would have coveted more square footage. Now my house actually has rooms that go UNUSED for weeks, even MONTHS. And, a little advanced warning that this would happen would have been nice. And, how about some advice on how to navigate the emotional turmoil of being sad that the rooms aren’t filled, yet happy at the same time. And don’t forget a little bit of guilt thrown in for being happy.
Expect Days to Actually GROW: Ahhh…I remember the days when I wished for just 1 more hour in my day to read a little, get some extra sleep, take a shower, brush my teeth, drink wine. Well, now it seems my wish has come true. God actually started prepping me for this when my kids started driving and all that time I spent in the car driving to practices, school and social events and jobs was erased. I should have clued in then, that I needed to fill my time. But alas, I didn’t. No longer are my days filled with kids activities, never ending household chores, cooking and feeding a houseful of people who all need to eat at different times. My days are now (mostly) MINE! Sounds amazing, doesn’t it? And, honestly, it is. The thing is…I don’t know how to fill those hours. I have known for about 2 years that I needed a game plan. I needed to figure out how I was going to take those extra hours in the day and turn them into happy, joyful productive and fun hours. But, I was still caught off guard. Ladies, I really need this book!
Expect to Feel all the Feels: Sometimes I feel like a teenager again with all of these uncontrollable feelings creeping up on me at strange and inappropriate times. Some of the feels I would have loved to been advised about:
Full of Pride & Joy – I raised my kids, they are still alive, I didn’t kill them and they are amazing humans.
Anxiety – Oh my gosh, are my kids safe? Are they sleeping enough? Eating healthy meals? Why are they calling me? They never call me. They only ever text me. Did they have a car accident? Fail a test? Have a fight with their roommate? I better answer the phone.
Sadness – Obvs. Mourning the crazy chaotic life I used to have.
Happiness – Glad my life is not crazy chaotic anymore.
Loneliness – This is real sisters, I miss my kids. But also at the same time to my kids, “go away and have fun and figure out your future”.
Excitement – This is real too. It’s exciting to figure out what’s next…who am I to become now?
Fear – “Oh my gosh..who am I to become now?”
So, here I am in my too big house, with all this time on my hands and all these feeling. It’s never too late, and I am certainly not too old to redesign my life and reinvent myself. I don’t have all the answers, and I probably never will, but I’m jumping off the cliff and will figure it all out on my way down!
I’d love to know what you are doing at this stage of your life to fill your time and your house and figure out what your new normal, sans kids at home, looks like. Comment below with any great ideas or tips you have!
